loving my body

Disordered eating is a difficult subject for me.  It is hard for me to talk about sometimes.

Even though almost every day I am triggered, I still love my body at any shape or size now.  And that is big for me.

I thought my body looked different than what everyone saw when I was a little lower weight then I am today.  It was hard.  I kept restricting and binging to maintain my weight.  Restriction is a diet for me.

Restriction and binging are a difficult topic.  For me, restriction and binging are unhealthy.   I know what restriction leads to and what it has done to my body and my mind.   

I still weigh myself and calorie count.  And even though I weigh myself and calorie count, since my healing began, I actually eat.  My restriction and binging cycle stopped a while ago.  I eat to nourish my body but also my mind.   I look at food very differently now.  I look at food as nourishment and fuel.

I think we feel we are expected (ugh expected?) to look a certain way and if we look a certain way, then everything will be better.  The food journey for me is an emotional one.   The triggers are very real.  Stress is a big one.  

Since I began healing from disordered eating and on the journey of loving my body, I have learned many things and realized the way I talked before was not right.  No longer do I tell anyone else what to do with their body.  All I say now is you do what is right for you and your body.

Your body is your body and my body is my body.  Don’t talk about my body.  Don’t tell me what to do with my body.  Your body is not my business.  Just like my body is not your business.