karma and selfish

I am always asked if I believe in karma.

I don’t.

Want to know why?

Because from the day I was born to the day I was assaulted and became sick, I was a kind, honest and sweet person. I never lied. I treated everyone around me with love. I showed people respect.

And yet, I was dealt what you would call karma.

This world hurt me deeply. And to this day, I am unsure of why.

That is why I don’t believe in karma until the day you meet your maker.

For the past year, for the first time in my life, I have decided to be just a little more selfish. Most people wouldn’t call it selfish, but that’s the only way I can explain it. I decided to look after myself a little better and a little more. Enjoy life the way I wanted to. Live a little.

In life, you need balance, you need the yin just as much as the yang and vice versa.

I spent decades struggling and for the first time, I decided to set boundaries.

And then this world dealt me some karma.

Yet, I don’t believe in it.

Then I realized that I might be receiving for the first time in my life, simply clarity.

That I am allowed to set boundaries.

I need give and take relationships. Not many people check in with me and truly ask me how I am doing. I do with them.

And that’s when I realized you need yin and yang, give and take, in everything.

If I am the only one giving, that is deeply unfair to me.

Thus, clarity.

I don’t have to do everything for everyone else. I don’t have to be everyone else’s rock.

If I could, I would take the pain of the world, because I know I can handle it, but that’s not my job and that’s not fair to me.

If I give, I must receive.

And if I do not receive, that’s not my fault. And very unfair to me.

So, does karma exist?

I guess it depends on how you define it.

But I don’t ever seek revenge or wish anything bad upon anyone, even if they have wronged me. It’s not my job to judge, that’s up to what you may call God, or the Universe, or Spirit, that’s not up to me.