i like this me better

I think I posted previously on how I was such an honest, sweet and kind kid in my childhood and youth.  I loved that part of me, that part that was so kind and true and caring and gentle.  I am pretty sure I am still that person deep down.  I am still kind, honest and sweet.  However, I think my illness, in it’s own way, made me tougher and gave me the strength to fight back. 

That honest, sweet and kind kid was taken advantage of many times in her childhood and youth.  And that honest, sweet and kind kid did not or maybe could not or was not able to fight back.

In reflection of the person I was, I realized that my illness gave me the strength and fight I needed.  To me, that is an unbelievable blessing.

I like this me better.  Maybe because I still have that kid in me, but I am stronger and tougher and I am able to fight back.   Thinking of the kid I was, I look back and wonder if I could have said no, set boundaries and fought back.  I have had my boundaries violated along with the trauma I experienced and that could be why I set boundaries now.  

And no one should ever make you feel any sort of way about setting a boundary.  If you want to say no, say no.  If you think something isn’t right, say something.  If you want to change your mind, change it. 

I have learned to set pretty good boundaries now, but like anything I am still learning.   

My illness took a lot away from me, but I gained so much from my illness too.  I like the person I am today, and I think my illness gave that to me. I like that I am tough, strong and fierce while still having a sweet, kind and honest heart.

And just so you know, the person you see today, will fight back.  Every time.