im good

In December of 2023, I was sitting quietly on a plane on my way back home. As we were on the tarmac, I said in my mind, like I always do, I think I am good, Universe. I’ve lived a good life, if it’s my time, it’s my time. But, typically as the plane starts to ascend and we get in the air, I usually take back the “I’m good” and say, I don’t think I am ready to go right now. Not yet.

However, this time, as the plane ascended into the air, and then started to cruise at its altitude, looking out the plane window, I felt a little turbulence and I said to Universe, for the very first time, I’m good. If this is my time, I think I am good.

I’m not perfect, but I’ve fought a good fight for over 25 years. I sacrificed a lot of my life to be open. I’ve faced mean comments and criticism by just having this illness and being open about it – most would never face this.

But I guess this is why I chose to speak openly. I know what I sacrificed. I know what I gave up and what I would be facing by being open.

That 20 year old girl lost her voice and remained silent, but you are facing someone very different – she’s tough, she’s strong, and she will 100 percent play the game and check(+) you – as we know, she was present all along.

I’ve spoken my story to so many people throughout the years.

I’ve worked with organizations in Ontario to better the mental health world (we still have a long way to go).

I’ve tried to treat people good while I am here, with love and empathy and tried to spread a little hope.

I completed 2 and almost 3 degrees. I’ve worked and grinded to build my career, still do, to this day (but I don’t post much about it). I’ve met beautiful people who I call friends and colleagues, and I’ve developed amazing relationships with my family. All who show me such a great deal of compassion.

I’ve lived a good life.

I’ve tried to help people along the way as best I can, while still maintaining my boundaries.

I hope, you know, that I will never stop fighting.

I’ve fought since I was 10 years old.

When I had my first episode at 20, I had to fight more.

I lost years of my life.

And by the grace of something, I came back.

Am I tired, yes. Will I stop, no.

And even though, I don’t get the same compassion (though lately, I find there has been more compassion towards me), this person writing this post, sitting in that plane, cruising in the sky, looking out that window. She said, for the very first time, to the Universe, if it’ s my time, I’m good.

Though, I know it’s probably not my time yet, because there is so much more to do. I know that if you give me another 40 years, I will be grateful, and if you don’t…

I’m still good.