happiness

I have always wondered why we seek happiness.  Why we think that the key to life is finding happiness.  Why we are told that happiness will bring joy and peace. 

The first time I smiled after my illness, I mean really smiled and meant it, I realized that maybe we aren’t supposed to be happy all the time.  Maybe seeking happiness isn’t the key to our lives.

Yes, I want to be happy, and maybe I want to be happy more often than sad.  But my goal in life is not to be happy.  I do not seek happiness.  I know and have realized full happiness is unattainable. 

I do not remember the first time I really smiled, and meant it, and felt happiness.  My mom showed me a picture that she keeps framed because it was the picture when I really smiled and started to come out of my illness, be it lightly.  I look at this picture and realize that happiness is important to me but maybe so is sadness.  Sadness can bring us something too, maybe something similar to happiness.  In times of sadness, there is some sense of joy too.

I know and understand it is impossible to be happy all the time.   And maybe that is just it. 

Maybe we need to be okay with the happy but maybe we need to be okay with the sad too.  And maybe in some ways, realizing this, that you don’t have to seek happiness to be happy and fulfilled, maybe that is the key in all of this.  The realization that we do not need to seek happiness to be happy and find purpose in life.

I stopped seeking happiness a long time ago.  I know it is not the key for me to find peace and joy in life.  But maybe it is for you and that is okay too.  For me, I have learned that I am okay with being happy, but I am also okay with being sad too.