I usually write my blog posts based on the universe. I usually listen to the universe and write based on what I feel and think at this moment in time.
I always think that maybe God and the universe wanted to know what I was made of.
I sometimes wonder, why did I deserve this. I always looked at people in their twenties and they thrived, they had such amazing experiences. I didn’t.
I do believe though that in this life, everything happens for a reason. That there is some good that can come from the darkest times.
I always ask God and the universe, why did this happen to me. People look at me now and don’t know or understand what I truly went through. Sometimes I can’t even explain it.
I remember the moment exactly how it happened. The exact moment my life changed. I can’t remember everything after that moment very clearly. There is a possibility I was drugged, but since I am technically crazy, no one ever really believed me.
Sometimes I wonder if I should go back and relive the past, but then sometimes, I think I am fine now, I am healed at this point, so I don’t know if digging deep in my past would make me unhealed. I guess we will see. Just continue to follow my blog.
I always wonder how my life would have been different. If maybe I did one thing differently the universe would have brought me down a different path.
But then I think to myself, I learned so much from my illness and I have this amazing perspective on life that I might not have had if I did not suffer. I have learned so much living with a mental illness, that I don’t think I would change anything if I really could.
I guess God and the universe had bigger plans for me, that what happened to me happened for a much bigger reason.
Maybe God and the universe wanted to see what I was made of or maybe God and the universe wanted to show me my strength, make me a better person, and maybe make me a person that this world would be proud of.
samantha mercanti 