maybe the universe wants to know what I am made of…

I usually write my blog posts based on the universe.  I usually listen to the universe and write based on what I feel and think at this moment in time.

I always think that maybe God and the universe wanted to know what I was made of. 

I sometimes wonder, why did I deserve this.   I always looked at people in their twenties and they thrived, they had such amazing experiences.  I didn’t. 

I do believe though that in this life, everything happens for a reason.  That there is some good that can come from the darkest times.  

I always ask God and the universe, why did this happen to me.  People look at me now and don’t know or understand what I truly went through.  Sometimes I can’t even explain it. 

I remember the moment exactly how it happened.  The exact moment my life changed.  I can’t remember everything after that moment very clearly.  There is a possibility I was drugged, but since I am technically crazy, no one ever really believed me. 

Sometimes I wonder if I should go back and relive the past, but then sometimes, I think I am fine now, I am healed at this point, so I don’t know if digging deep in my past would make me unhealed.  I guess we will see.  Just continue to follow my blog.

I always wonder how my life would have been different.  If maybe I did one thing differently the universe would have brought me down a different path. 

But then I think to myself, I learned so much from my illness and I have this amazing perspective on life that I might not have had if I did not suffer.  I have learned so much living with a mental illness, that I don’t think I would change anything if I really could.   

I guess God and the universe had bigger plans for me, that what happened to me happened for a much bigger reason. 

Maybe God and the universe wanted to see what I was made of or maybe God and the universe wanted to show me my strength, make me a better person, and maybe make me a person that this world would be proud of. 

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