People ask me all the time, are you married? I reply with, no I am not. Then they wonder why I am not married? It’s my second absolute favourite question. Sometimes I laugh when people ask me that question, and I respond with, most people who are married tell me to remain single, even my parents, friends and family. However I probably should say, sorry I was trying to stay above water for ten years when I couldn’t breathe, I didn’t know what was happening to me, my goal in life was to just barely survive, make it through the day, because each day was difficult, maybe even horrible to me, I could not even get myself to brush my teeth or wash my face, barely find someone to marry.
And now that I am a little older, people actually tell me the truth about marriage. Marriage is difficult, very, very difficult. Most people don’t stay married anymore (and I believe if people are being abused or treated badly, divorce is definitely the right option). I always wonder why people ask me the marriage question. It’s like it’s stuck in our minds and society that at a certain age you need to be married and if you are not, something is wrong with you.
My illness gave me the second greatest gift of all (my first gift was perspective). It gave me time to figure out who I am, to teach me to learn how to love myself first, to be happy with me. I feel that is lost in our society sometimes. I think in our journey to find love, sometimes we forget to first love and find ourselves and that is our greatest mistake. Don’t get me wrong I am far from perfect and have my days where life is hard, but most days I truly love me.
All of my decisions in life reflect the love I have for myself. I know what is good for me and what isn’t. I will always love me first, and treat myself with respect, and listen to the love and joy in my heart in everything I do. If you love and truly understand yourself, you will embrace every single day and everything you do with great love and joy. My illness allowed me to understand and love myself first, and I am grateful every single day for the time I was given to love me.
samantha mercanti 
Samantha your are an old soul in young body. Wise beyond your years. Your comment on relationships and happiness is something everyone can relate to…but few will take ownership of. Sadly marriage can be difficult and even when it’s gets very bad people will stay because of fear of starting over or fear of being alone. The good thing is it can be rewarding and fulfilling if two people are willing to make sacrifices for their spouse and don’t smother each other and have respect for one another. Different times with instant everything from fast food, everyone over worked and not taking time for themselves and family and God. I definitely don’t have the answers and being divorced with children I know the pain. However kind you, I have learned to be happy with myself and concentrate on my children and few close friends and my Ministry. Everything else is secondary. Your words resonate and hopefully they touch many lives. Blessings to you and your family.
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Thank you Jim, blessings to you and your family too:)
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Samantha,
Great blog, it makes a lot of sense and as your Father, what is important to me is your joy and peace and than fact that you love yourself and others.
As a parent, if you are happy, healthy and have joy and peace, then I am happy, joyful and at peace,
Love you,
Dad
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