set in motion

I am asked one question a lot, “when did you start writing your book?”  I might incorporate why I wrote a book or not, we will see. I feel like these are intertwined though.  

I started writing probably over ten years ago. Someone who has written a few books reviewed my book and said, most writers rewrite their book maybe three times. So, I sat with that. And then my life became busy. My anxiety started to become higher, and I advocated a lot less than I did before. Then, COVID-19 happened I think in March of 2020.

When we went into our very first lockdown, maybe end of March 2020 (sorry have no idea when that was it’s all a blur at this point), I said to myself, well I can’t go anywhere, I can’t see anyone, I have weekends where I am just in my condo with maybe 8 hours per day. I thought to myself, it’s time to rewrite this book. I wrote the book on my computer (I am also attached to my computer but that’s another story) during nights and weekends because I was remotely working full time. That’s when I started rewriting my book, the very first lockdown.

I found rewriting very challenging, as I was remembering many experiences that I had forgotten. Reliving my past was traumatic. Even though I don’t detail everything I experienced, it was difficult remembering. Though, in the end, this process was somewhat therapeutic for me.

Then in, I think, August of 2020, I went through the whole thing and technically rewrote it again. Kept most of the base but revamped the book completely.

Later in the year or in the new year, I can’t remember, I asked family and friends to send me their contributions. I tried to get perspectives from all family; my parents (of course), my sisters, my brother-in-law, my niece, two friends, two cousins, two aunts and one uncle. I hope I did not miss anyone here! I did this as I wanted their voices to be heard too. I always like seeing things from different perspectives and I wanted them to express their feelings, how they felt in those moments when I was struggling and maybe when they struggled a bit too.

I found an editor; she is absolutely amazing. Then, she introduced me to a page layout editor (if you don’t have one, I suggest having a page layout editor) and a cover person; both awesome and so wonderful to work with. Then I was introduced to two printers, and chose one, also incredible! My book was actually ready in June of 2021, but my printer was busy, and they would not be able to print until September, which in the end worked out great! I liked the timing of my book!

I won’t go into details on why I wrote the book as I discuss in the book and throughout my social media. One thing though, I want you to know you can relate to schizophrenia, even if you do not have this illness. You can relate to mental illness, more than you think you can. I also love that I put schizophrenia on the title, look deeper into that, because there is meaning to it.

I know I have a lot left to learn in my life. Trust me, I’ll be the first to tell you that I have a lot to do and a lot more growth needed. I even say, I am a different person than I was one year ago, maybe even yesterday. I wrote how I was feeling in those moments in my condo all alone in 2020 when I started rewriting. I also always say, I may feel and think one thing today and feel and think the exact opposite tomorrow.

That’s one thing I like about myself, that everything doesn’t always have to be certain, you can think and feel one thing today and you can think and feel something different tomorrow and that’s okay. If you can change and grow one day from the next, then maybe that’s a good thing, better than always staying the same and never accepting that learning and growth are possible.

Will I write another book? There is a ninety-nine percent chance I will. If you read the previous paragraph; things always change. If I can, I will write another book, but life changes, so I don’t know what’s in the cards for me in the future, but I like to execute, so hopefully I can execute a second book.