a companion

I always say that I do not care what people think, but there is one part of my life I feel is judged and scrutinized. I was embarrassed to share this. And I realized I don’t care what people think. So, why was I embarrassed sometimes to share this part of my life. 

I have never been in an official relationship. That is sometimes seen as something negative. However, that’s just how our world works. If you don’t do things as the norm does, you are seen as, I don’t really know what the word is, but you get my point.

I have actually never officially been asked out on a date.  Yes, I have gone on dates with people, but we always meet up. No one has ever actually said, can I take you to dinner somewhere nice. Where I would get dressed up and picked up at my house. I always initiate. And I am not doing that anymore.

I remained single for so many reasons. One being, with a serious mental illness, I really needed to find myself and figure out my illness. And most people would not do what I did. And the first thing I tell anyone is that I have schizophrenia. I’ve been told not to do that, but again, I don’t really care.

I don’t know what is better, remaining single or being in a relationship. I have done a pretty good job here in my independent life and I don’t know if I need that companionship. Though, I may need to see the other side before I make a decision.

I have been hurt by many people in the past, and by people who claimed to care about me, and some say, you need to continue to try in the dating world. I don’t know what the answer is. Maybe I would like to be someone’s date to a wedding and at the same time, maybe I don’t want to be.

I guess it’s all how you see it in some ways. What I know is I live a great and fulfilled life and I can probably figure the rest of my years out on my own. Which I think I am okay with.

10 thoughts on “a companion

  1. Samantha,

    Great post and very honest and true,

    My thoughts,

    If God wanted you in a relationship you would of been in one.

    Leave things in His hands,

    Trust Him and don’t get in front of Him,

    Trust yourself,

    You are an amazing person and Daughter,

    Love you,



  2. Great post Samantha. As I mentioned to you before when I suffered from extreme panic attacks and was agoraphobic, some of my friends were mystified and found not fathom how someone who appeared healthy on the outside could not attend hockey games or even walk in the mall without being enveloped with fear and had to leave. Some people avoid others with a mental illness and have trouble talking of it. Kudos to you again for being forth right and honest. You are a breath of fresh air 🙏🙏🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I just discovered your book this morning while looking for a good quote for my instagram @schizophreniaspectrum! I can’t wait to read your book and I think it would be great if you could do an interview with Lauren Kennedy from the YouTube channel Living Well With Schizophrenia. She has a huge following. I’m so excited to see you have a blog too. I’m also an aspiring writer with schizophrenia and you’re helping to inspire me to write more. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this comment it made me so happy! I think I followed you on instagram. I will note the youtube channel and name! I have a school break in December and plan to work on a lot of items including my book!! I really appreciate this and I hope you enjoy my book!


  4. I just discovered your book this morning looking for a quote for my instagram @schizophreniaspectrum! I’m really looking forward to reading your book. I think it would be great if you did an interview with Lauren Kennedy on her YouTube channel Living Well With Schizophrenia. She has a huge following. I’m an aspiring writer to and you’ve inspired me to keep writing more. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

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