I always say that I do not care what people think, but there is one part of my life I feel is judged and scrutinized. I was embarrassed to share this. And I realized I don’t care what people think. So, why was I embarrassed sometimes to share this part of my life.
I have never been in an official relationship. That is sometimes seen as something negative. However, that’s just how our world works. If you don’t do things as the norm does, you are seen as, I don’t really know what the word is, but you get my point.
I have actually never officially been asked out on a date. Yes, I have gone on dates with people, but we always meet up. No one has ever actually said, can I take you to dinner somewhere nice. Where I would get dressed up and picked up at my house. I always initiate. And I am not doing that anymore.
I remained single for so many reasons. One being, with a serious mental illness, I really needed to find myself and figure out my illness. And most people would not do what I did. And the first thing I tell anyone is that I have schizophrenia. I’ve been told not to do that, but again, I don’t really care.
I don’t know what is better, remaining single or being in a relationship. I have done a pretty good job here in my independent life and I don’t know if I need that companionship. Though, I may need to see the other side before I make a decision.
I have been hurt by many people in the past, and by people who claimed to care about me, and some say, you need to continue to try in the dating world. I don’t know what the answer is. Maybe I would like to be someone’s date to a wedding and at the same time, maybe I don’t want to be.
I guess it’s all how you see it in some ways. What I know is I live a great and fulfilled life and I can probably figure the rest of my years out on my own. Which I think I am okay with.