marathon to a 5K…

For my first university degree, while I was on a Letter of Permission, I actually failed a course.  I knew I was going to fail the course by the drop date.   I could have dropped the course, but because I was so lost and broken, I didn’t drop the course.   I just continued on and failed the course.  It didn’t even phase me at all, mostly because I was completely not in this world.  I tried to appeal but appealing it while still struggling was not the best decision.  My appeal was denied.  I don’t even think I mentioned in the appeal that I knew I was going to fail by the drop date. 

Try completing a university degree while completely in the middle of an illness, it is difficult enough when you are healthy and in a good state of mind.  If I could back though, I would have done things much differently.

When I was doing my Masters, I decided to stop about mid-way through, as I wasn’t being treated properly.  When I was on the Letter of Permission when I failed that course many years ago, I also wasn’t treated properly at the school and I stayed and continued my education.   Years later, when I started my Masters, I knew the right way I wanted to be treated and if the school could not treat me properly and understand my disability, then I would not put up with it.  So, I left.  I was stronger and more confident and recovered, and in the end, I actually just changed my mind and had the strength to know that was okay.

I have always been a bit of a perfectionist.  If I start something, I finish it.  I have learned there is some peace in just being free of always trying to attain perfection. 

Now that I am recovered, I know that I can change my mind, and there is a sense of empowerment in knowing that if I want to change my mind, I can.

Every time I run something like a half marathon or a marathon, people are always amazed by it, like it is something so great, such an amazing accomplishment.  

However, the way I look at it, a 5K is just as important.  It is a big deal and an accomplishment when you walk or run a 5K.   And that is why I always push people to run or walk their first race.   I decided that I wanted to change my marathon to a 5K.  Look at runners who run 500 meters, it is still an accomplishment, no matter what distance.  I think we forget this sometimes.  If you get up and walk or run, that is what matters, not the distance.   

In this case, I was treated great by everyone, so that was not the issue this time!  However, my body and mind were telling me something.  I am feeling amazing, I am not injured, and my body feels really good even after my 30K run.  This is when I thought to myself, it is okay to change your mind sometimes. 

Life is not perfect, and you do not have to be perfect.  I am not perfect, and I do not have to be perfect.  I have the confidence now to know that if I want to change my mind, I can change my mind.

I am honestly so happy I ran another 5K and that is why I always motivate people to sign up for a race.  Wake up and walk or run, in the end, that is really all you have to do.   

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