People ask me all the time, are you married? I reply with, no I am not. Then they wonder why I am not married? It’s my second absolute favourite question. Sometimes I laugh when people ask me that question, and I respond with, most people who are married tell me to remain single, even my parents, friends and family. However I probably should say, sorry I was trying to stay above water for ten years when I couldn’t breathe, I didn’t know what was happening to me, my goal in life was to just barely survive, make it through the day, because each day was difficult, maybe even horrible to me, I could not even get myself to brush my teeth or wash my face, barely find someone to marry.
And now that I am a little older, people actually tell me the truth about marriage. Marriage is difficult, very, very difficult. Most people don’t stay married anymore (and I believe if people are being abused or treated badly, divorce is definitely the right option). I always wonder why people ask me the marriage question. It’s like it’s stuck in our minds and society that at a certain age you need to be married and if you are not, something is wrong with you.
My illness gave me the second greatest gift of all (my first gift was perspective). It gave me time to figure out who I am, to teach me to learn how to love myself first, to be happy with me. I feel that is lost in our society sometimes. I think in our journey to find love, sometimes we forget to first love and find ourselves and that is our greatest mistake. Don’t get me wrong I am far from perfect and have my days where life is hard, but most days I truly love me.
All of my decisions in life reflect the love I have for myself. I know what is good for me and what isn’t. I will always love me first, and treat myself with respect, and listen to the love and joy in my heart in everything I do. If you love and truly understand yourself, you will embrace every single day and everything you do with great love and joy. My illness allowed me to understand and love myself first, and I am grateful every single day for the time I was given to love me.